Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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