He disabled his match.com account in front of me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
