I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
