when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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