Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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