I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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