I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can you bring me the toilet please
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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