you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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