We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
