No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
nutella sex= disaster
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
