ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
