I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
