i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
