you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
