I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
