We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
