found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
