i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I just sharted jello shots
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
