You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
