just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
