was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
