he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
