I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
