While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
