You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
