you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
