and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
