I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's always time for handjobs
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
