I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
