So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
