I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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