He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
