I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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