Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
