I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
