you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
