Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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