Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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