I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
