How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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