So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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