Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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