Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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