Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
tell me about the eggs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize