Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
