...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize