and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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