is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize