Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
