i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
