When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
