I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
