I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
