HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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