Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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