why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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