its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
