someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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