I got chris browned last night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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