At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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