Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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