If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
