Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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