and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize