I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
