A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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