I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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