boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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