I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
