U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
